The stars are not wanted now– put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good. W.H. Auden
W. H. Auden wrote these words when he lost the love of his life. My hope is that you’ve never been so down in your life that you want to put out the stars and pack up the moon. But it sure can feel that way when life takes a nose-dive, or it simply isn’t playing out the way you desire. And there you are stuck in the middle of a life that’s simply not budging and not feeling good.
Back in the days when I was trudging through circumstances I didn’t want, little did I know it was ME that was keeping that life alive. I didn’t realize that I was adding fuel to my problems by my persistent complaints about why things weren’t working and my continuous re-hashing about how bad and unfair everything was. I had a daily ritual of going for long walks accompanied by the incessant chatter that went on in my head about how I hated my relationship, my job…everything. It was like tuning in to my very own daily soap opera. I was the mistreated and victimized star, and I never missed an episode.
I was living IN the problem with no glimpse of a solution.
There were moments when I would fantasize about having a great life, but at best, those thoughts were fleeting and way off in the distant never, never land. I had no real access to them or the life they promised. But in all honesty, I made very little attempt to go there.
I’ve learned a lot since then…about the power of thought…the power of emotions…the power of making a decision. And more importantly, the power of being in the solution.
Problems and Solutions are two very different energies. They are like oil and water. Black and white. Positive and negative. Night and day. They just don’t mix. They can’t survive together. You’re either in one or the other. When you’re caught up in your own soap opera, you’re held captive by the problem.
As a coach, I know how important it is to FEEL and lean into sadness and despair when it sweeps over you. That’s what poet Auden did when he wrote his poem. You can’t rush this part. But I also know that there’s a time when you have to decide to step into the SOLUTION, otherwise, you’ll end up believing that it’s time to pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood. For nothing now can ever come to any good.
What does stepping into the solution look like? For me, it meant that I had to…FIND WAYS TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT LIFE. Which meant I had to…
Stop the addictive negative chatter
Make a deliberate choice to go in a different direction
Absorb myself with what I DID want
Stop looking at what I didn’t want
Reach out for support
Decide who I really wanted to be in my life
A coach I know said that getting stuck in your problems is like sitting in a dirty diaper. It’s a great metaphor isn’t it? We can all relate to that one. So, how could you begin to unpack the moon and see the sun again? What does your solution to your problems look like? What is it calling you to do…to be? Is it time for a clean diaper?
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