When I was twelve years old I sang in the school choir. But the odd thing was that no sound ever came out of my mouth. You see, I was too embarrassed and ashamed to hear my own voice, or let anyone else hear it. And so I would mime the songs, move my mouth, feel the music deeply within me. But no sound came out.
It could have had something to do with the fact that my mother had left my father for several months. I wanted so much to let her know that I loved her, and that I didn’t want her to leave us. But nothing came out of my mouth. I had something to say, but I couldn’t come out and say it.
Losing my voice was an extreme example of what can happen when you feel locked-up in a private world of pain, when you are unable to express yourself, and when you feel as if you are being choked by emotions that never get to be told.
I see evidence of this all of the time in the lives of my clients.
It plays out in relationships where you don’t have the courage to tell your partner that you don’t want to live with him anymore. Just the mere thought of letting those words sit on your tongue feels dangerous, and selfish. Who am I to wreck this person’s life?
It plays out at work, where you feel insecure about speaking up and contributing in a meeting. Who am I to give an opinion? I’m not creative enough.
It plays out when you dream about getting a better job or asking for a promotion, but you don’t get around to asking. I can’t compete with others. I better stay where I am.
And on a more subtle note, it plays out when you don’t let others know about your accomplishments or talents because you’re just a shy, under-stated, or reserved person. People will think I’m big-headed or arrogant.
I’ve often wondered why I couldn’t say what I wanted to say to my parents. I wanted so much to get the words out of me. But the truth is, my young self back then just didn’t feel worthy enough to be heard by them, to be considered important.
When you don’t feel worthy or good enough, the whole idea of having a preference for something, expressing a need or opinion, or asking directly for what you want become impossible. It’s like expecting a cat to bark like a dog—a complete miss-match.
If you’re not living the life you really want to live, notice where and how you shrink away from expressing yourself, notice how you feel when you’re asked to talk about yourself. Notice what happens when you think about your ideal life.
What exactly are you telling yourself about YOU?
If what you uncover makes you feel sad, diminished, or closed down, then know that you’ve just gone and told yourself a big FAT LIE.
So what’s actually the TRUTH about you?
Do you deserve to be happy in a relationship?
Are you just as good as others in the workplace?
Are your talents and skills worthy of sharing with the world?
So, what do you want to say? Break your silence.
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